Sundays are the worst because I have to go back to work Monday. About 10pm, the dread kicks in, and then about 2am I'm wondering how or if I'm going to sleep and why do I have to wake up at 9am? And oncr I wake up at 9am, how do I glue myself to a computer for 7.6 hours and actually accomplish anything?
The articles tell me to establish a routine similar to before working from home. Check, I roll out of bed 5 minutes before I absolutely have to head to work. They tell me to establish a location to work from. I have a studio apartment and don't currently have any surfaces. So, no. Work from bed it is. They tell me to socialise with my coworkers. I don't voluntarily do that anyway.
What I really want them to tell me is that it's completely OK to not work for a good 3 hours of the day as long as you're available to work. I want them to tell me that if you have 160 messages to respond to, and all of them require research and a response and at least a third of them need judgement calls, be OK answering 6 of them.
I want a benchmark that allows me to know where the hell to put the bar. I'm not even doing my usual work at the moment. I'm doing weird work by way of strange processses, in addition to the biggest part of my job, which takes about 2-3 hours every day, leaving me with 3-4 hours to do everything else.
I love not driving to work. I love not having to listen to our admin assistant whine about her life. But I have no idea whether I'm accomplishing anything even close to correctly or as quickly as I should be. I feel behind, but don't know if I really am.
This happened at a really, really bad time, because it's reinforcing that all I do is work and sleep and that I don't deserve to have other people in my life because I am too boring. I am gonna get used to it and this is going to be my life.
