I Want Everything I've Ever Seen In the Movies

About six months ago, I applied for a position that I have eight years experience in with four different places.  It's a slightly different environment, and a supervisor position to what I've done, but I figured it'd be good to apply.  

Nothing.  

A month ago, they were hiring for the position I've done.  I was interviewed and they pretty much said, "we're impressed but no."  OK, sure, whatever.  I'm pretty sure the interviewers were the result of the supervisor search and that position's immediate supervisor.  

Three days ago, I see a posting for the same position I applied for six months ago and realise that the person I interviewed with had to have given her notice near the time I interviewed. I recognise there is no way I'd be hired for that position, but I really, really want to apply.  

I'm positive I don't really want to work there, though.  There's a lot of turnover and they seem incredibly unorganised.  This coming from the uncommunicative environment in which I currently work...  

It's raining and I'm feeling useless and unproductive.  I want to run away.  I saw a literary manager position for a theatre in New York that I'm interested in the other day and cried a little.  I couldn't get it, but even if I could, I don't have the freedom to do it even if I wanted to.  I'm tied here, without wanting to be.  

Some part of me wants to be here.  

The rest of me wants to run and keep running and stop being practical and sensible.  I want some closure in my life.  I'm going to have spent five years in this stupid limbo of trying to have what I can't and maybe don't even want.