In Which Things May Work Out

Turned down a job I'd already been hired for because they announced suddenly that new hires have to take a drug screening.

Nope.

I barely take over-the-counter drugs, but I object to mandatory urine testing.  No, thank you, I choose to hang on to my rights to privacy.  I also don't relish being accused of a crime by proxy.  The only reason to perform a drug test is if you assume someone has drugs in their system.  If you're performing them on everyone, this is the assumption you're making, "we'll assume everyone is taking drugs until proven otherwise."  Working from the assumption no one is taking drugs, you don't issue a drug test.  Working from an assumption some of the people are taking them, therefore everyone must be tested proves that it's impossible to tell any other way.

This is the same reason I don't like traffic cameras.  I cannot be accused of a crime by a traffic camera, my car can.  So, if I loan my car to someone and the ticket is sent to me, it's not actually my ticket, it's their ticket, but I'm responsible for the car, so the ticket goes to em and the violation goes on my record.  I have a problem with that.  Accuse me of a crime and provide evidence and then maybe you have something to prove.

In the process of writing this, I remembered an episode of Mister Rogers where he goes to fight a parking ticket.  I couldn't find that episode, but I did find the one where he visits Moscow.  I don't think I've seen that one since it first aired.

Watching it, I'm kind of not mad about the whole test situation anymore.  Mr. Rogers knows I'm a good person, so what does it matter what anybody else thinks?

Anyway, I think I made the right choice turning this last job down.  Right after I sent that email, I sent another one to a place I sent in an application to less than 24 hours after it went up, asking whether they had a timeline in place to interview.  "We stop taking applications tomorrow.  Do you want to come in tomorrow?"  Um.  Yes.

I assume this means, "we actually want to talk to you," and not, "oh, let's just get you out of the way so we can find someone we actually like."  I went to high school with the girl who used to have the job, and they're not looking for anyone more qualified than her.  I know so many people working in that building and it's a full time job with benefits.  That would be a beautiful thing.  And, since it's full time exempt, as long as I'm putting in 40 hours, I've got a flexible schedule, so, in theory, I can actually keep two of my other jobs that also run a flexible, temporary schedule.  Which will keep me alive.

If We Meant It

They say, when an adult walks out on their life, there's a short window before they're likely to make contact, that usually happens on the third day.  If they aren't found before then, or the person doesn't make contact by then, the chances they'll be recovered alive, or ever, are much less likely.

It's not sounding like a bad idea.

I'm not divorced.  I haven't even filed papers, the reasons for this being that I was not in a financial position to do so, no transportation, no health insurance, etc.

The man I am married to was fired from his job today.  In reality, it's the result of his real lack of ability to function in the last year, but nobody knows this.

I don't know what to do now.  Everything is exactly as it was, and worse, but I need to end this marriage.  I've ended the relationship, I need to end the marriage, and this is the worst possible time to do so, when I only thought previously was the worst possible time.

I'm not sure what the moral of that is.  Seize the day?  It *can* get worse?

How come as soon as I think I am almost able to implement a plan that will work, the situation changes in such a way that it won't?

So, I want to walk away.  To disappear.  But, just a little bit.  Tomorrow, I'll start trying to figure it out all over again.

Today was an uncle's funeral.  He wasn't yet 60.  He's spent the last two years in a veteran's hospital.  He worked the same job since he got out of the military, no family of his own.  60 people were at his visitation, there were maybe 15 of us at the funeral.  For my brother and me, he was our favourite uncle, but I kind of look at him and think, "Is that it?  Is what he leaves here just the fact that we liked him?"  Is that enough?  Out of all the things I want, or want to be, or to do or achieve, is it selfish to want that when some people, all they get is maybe 60 years and they die and a couple people remember they liked them.

Maybe that's enough.  I don't know.  I don't feel like it is.