If We Meant It

They say, when an adult walks out on their life, there's a short window before they're likely to make contact, that usually happens on the third day.  If they aren't found before then, or the person doesn't make contact by then, the chances they'll be recovered alive, or ever, are much less likely.

It's not sounding like a bad idea.

I'm not divorced.  I haven't even filed papers, the reasons for this being that I was not in a financial position to do so, no transportation, no health insurance, etc.

The man I am married to was fired from his job today.  In reality, it's the result of his real lack of ability to function in the last year, but nobody knows this.

I don't know what to do now.  Everything is exactly as it was, and worse, but I need to end this marriage.  I've ended the relationship, I need to end the marriage, and this is the worst possible time to do so, when I only thought previously was the worst possible time.

I'm not sure what the moral of that is.  Seize the day?  It *can* get worse?

How come as soon as I think I am almost able to implement a plan that will work, the situation changes in such a way that it won't?

So, I want to walk away.  To disappear.  But, just a little bit.  Tomorrow, I'll start trying to figure it out all over again.

Today was an uncle's funeral.  He wasn't yet 60.  He's spent the last two years in a veteran's hospital.  He worked the same job since he got out of the military, no family of his own.  60 people were at his visitation, there were maybe 15 of us at the funeral.  For my brother and me, he was our favourite uncle, but I kind of look at him and think, "Is that it?  Is what he leaves here just the fact that we liked him?"  Is that enough?  Out of all the things I want, or want to be, or to do or achieve, is it selfish to want that when some people, all they get is maybe 60 years and they die and a couple people remember they liked them.

Maybe that's enough.  I don't know.  I don't feel like it is.