I'm So Tired

It keeps turning out, if you audition, unlike in high school and college, you get cast.  

If you get cast, you have to act.  

Acting is hard.  

I barely express human emotions anyway.  But to do it on command and in the moment and in reaction to someone else...?  I forgot this part.  

I'm tense.  Holding my breath and clenching my jaw and holding myself together.  

But this is enough, for a while.  

This is not an argument with myself I'm going to win.  Sometimes, mediocrity seems like a fine thing to resign myself to, because I've never cared about my best, so why try to be anything other than what you've always been?  Trying to be anything other than that hasn't done you any favours so far.