Show Me the Money Shot

One of the least desirable things about the men I have sometimes sexted was their need to send me a picture of their cum.  They all seemed to accept that I wasn't going to send them anything, and respected when I said that I did not need or want to see their dicks, but somehow, most of them would wind up sending me that photograph.  

Was I supposed to praise this?  Was I supposed to be turned on by this?  I'm about as thrilled by ejaculate as anyone who has ever tried to clean glue out of a paintbrush might be- aka not at all.  It's thick, slippery, difficult to clean up and it smells pretty bad.  

A friend explained that it's sort of like proof of pleasure.  This still didn't make much sense, unless you've beaten a personal distance record or filled a Dixie cup, or something, I'm not sure what the motivation is to share this achievement.  

Until today, reading an article about the history of money shots.  I don't watch video porn.  I'm not a voyeur and the idea of watching other people have sex doesn't do anything much for me at all.  So I've seen less than an hour's worth of typical porn.  Turns out, this is a trope in porn to signify orgasm, pulling out and cumming on someone's face.  I can definitely understand how someone could construe that this was important to share.  

I've not explicitly mentioned that I've been screwing around with a poly guy online.  I don't know what else to call it, but screwing around is pretty accurate.  It's fun and keeps me off balance in more ways than one.  

Today, I raised a concern that relates to my ex.  I should have realised when I couldn't bring myself to say, "I don't want to think that I'm preventing someone else who deserves it more from the opportunity to experience your orgasms," that probably I didn't need to say it, but, I'm not there yet.  

My ex-husband frequently indicated he didn't want anything to do with me physically.  I always accepted this, reluctantly, thinking, "OK, he doesn't want to do anything, he's tired, he works hard, that's fine, I am mature enough to handle this, I will check in with him next week."  Today, I pose the question to the poly guy, "I'm not preventing you from having sex with anybody else?"  And it hits me like a sack of bricks.  Of course not.  I don't even need his answer; as soon as I asked the question, I knew that's not even the situation.  The idea that his orgasm is the only reason to be sexual with somebody else must be incredibly foreign to him.  And it was.