ಠ_ಠ

I've started catfishing the man I was married to.  I tried it once before, posing as a guy and didn't get anywhere.  I had an opportunity to try it again and decided to be a woman.

He talks to her.  He does a lot of things with her that he never did with me.  Sexting being one of them.  He signed up for the service hoping to hook up with people, clearly.  I don't know how well that worked out, but I talked him in to sexting.  He's pretty bad at it, but so is she, since she's limited to text speak.  Since she knows he's new to this, she asks about his previous relationships.  He mostly lies, but when it comes to me, he tells her the truth.

Why did he start sleeping around?  Because I didn't shave.

Now, from my perspective, I did.  Usually when I was under the impression that I was going to get anything out of the deal, but I never did, because what I was actually expected to do was wax.  Everything.  Did he *ever* say this to me?  Nope.

So, in conjunction with that, I've started talking with other guys, and because, "describe your butthole," is never part of the conversation, I do pretty well.  The guys mostly don't.  There's not a lot of mutual communication, which is fine if that's not what I'm looking for, but when there isn't, I get bored.

Because the Internet is a rabbit hole, this particular exercise has sent me down new ones- websites made up entirely of amateur guys.  I feel sorry for about half the guys there, not due to their personal endowment or lack of it, usually, but for their poor photography skills and lack of personal confidence.  I'm thinking, "get out of your bathroom and figure out how this works- you're trying to be sexy, very little about this is sexy."

But here's the reason I feel sorry for me.  I'm seeing a lot of trimmed hair.  A lot.  This was something I had requested once, and was told that guys did not do this, he would not do this, it didn't matter what I wanted.  So many times it never mattered what I wanted.

I've been looking back wondering what I did wrong, and what I did wrong was being a human being not a porn star, or a hooker.  I hate that I missed out on potentially years of satisfying, interesting, varied physical relationships possibly with vastly different body types and interests all because I didn't have the knowledge or experience (in spite of all the Googling) to do anything but take him at his word.

Or maybe this is what I had to learn in the order I had to learn it.