It's been interesting to track where my own money goes. Now that I've been paying for my own expenses, I can start to extrapolate what I'm spending. I discover that I'm about in line with what percentage of your total budget something is supposed to cost. There are some things I can't do anything about, but when I blow them up for an expected income, they fall right within those percentages again.
I've been very, very worried about whether or not I'm a bad spender or not. I don't know, but I've always taken the blame for monetary shortcomings in the marriage, even when I knew where the money was going, I determined that I should have wanted to go out to eat less, or not bought the clothes I needed, and I find that's really not the case and that, mostly I don't spend too poorly.
I was offered a full time job. With benefits. For more money than I've ever seen. I can't quite work out how that happened, but now that it has, I'll be able to move forward. I'll be able to do what I wanted to do 7 years ago when I moved here- live. I won't be doing it in the arts, though, not full time. I tried it, and it's not possible to do it that way alone. So, for now, I'll do this. And maybe I'll find out that it's where I want to be for a little while before it makes me go back, or maybe I'll find out I'm a sell-out, or maybe I'll figure out a way to do both. I'm not leaving. I keep the little theatre and the education and will still be able to volunteer, so maybe I'll be in a place to do more volunteer work for a while and save up to do something else.
It's funny how everything can change in one moment.
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