I was involved in over 26 shows in some capacity last year, either as director, stage manager, coordinator, dramaturge, playwright, designer, technician, and even more if you start to count the shows I worked front of house or box office.
Last year doesn't feel big. I don't feel I have much to show from that work. I wasn't doing anything new or different from anything I've done before. There was a lot of work, but not a lot of growth. And maybe that's because I've had to grow as a person, and that's the difference.
There is no excuse for being jealous of anyone for doing what you won't do. Wisdom to live by. It's time to write. It's time to admit that no one in this town is going to give me the opportunities I want and look for them elsewhere.
At the same time, if I can create opportunities, I can create them anywhere. Wasting time here is wasting it anywhere.
I own a house I have no intention of selling, no plans to rent, and I won't even have a hope of paying it off for another 7-8 years. What am I thinking?
I'm thinking I'm lonely and sort of unfulfilled. As though going anywhere is going to fix that.
Every time I think I know what I want, something changes. Focus on being where you are right now and making that work.
There is no excuse for running a playwright's workshop and not working as a playwright. None. You need to fix that first. Which means writing. Which means having an idea. Which means getting out of your head and typing. A play.
That would feel big.
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