Noticing I had tabs open for housing on Craigslist, jobs on Playbill, and dudes on OKCupid, I thought, "If I can just solve these three problems, I'll have a life at the end of it."
What do I have now?
A life. In transition.
Which I think I'm more OK with than I think. I *like* figuring out my own problems. I like having this much going on. I mean, the reason I'm here is because I was bored working four jobs and devoting all my time to the one the most draining and the least artistically challenging.
It's nice not having to smile and nod to everybody on the street. I like not being expected to make small talk with the cashier. I really like the minute that New Yorkers just decide to tell you their whole life story and they don't scimp on the details. In some ways, I think my personality is probably better suited here, where I can turn on Iowa Nice when I need to, and the rest of the time it's OK that I work in service industries and actually don't care that much for humanity.
Every day is an adventure in doing something I'm afraid of. Today's was going out after dark. I rode out to Brooklyn to see an apartment. It happens some places in Queens, but in Brooklyn, a lot of the train lines are outdoors and elevated. Came out of the tunnel and, since I happened to be sitting by the window, saw the Statue of Liberty lit up in the harbour. A ways off, but I hadn't seen it before and was not expecting to. I still don't live here.
I need to re-read The Great Gatsby. I never understood why they drove so much when they were in New York. The subway was that old. Now I understand, they were *way* out in Queens, where a car is the fastest way in to the city, and also, rich people don't ride the subway.
I'm in the way of being Nick. Older than he is. Nearly older than Gatsby. But alive, and without any past I'm reaching back to. And I'm no Daisy, and don't want to be Jordan Baker. So Nick. Except I'm not likely to meet the man who fixes the World Series.
Or maybe I will. The place I'm in now, I Googled the guy, because of course I did. He's a mildly famous musician. The guys I see on OKC have written books, travel the world with the intention of saving it, and do a lot of otherwise wild and vaguely intimidating things that leave me out of their league.
Only inasmuch as even with my resume inflated, those things didn't even matter much in Iowa. If you want to be somebody, you have to do the work. There are just as many opportunities to be nobody here, but there are a few more to be somebody.
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