Manhattan, I've Prepared For You

I always wished someone would come to New York so I could show them around. Anybody, frankly. And I currently miss it, so here's my travel itinerary for someone visiting the city for the first time.  

First of all, in spite of Thoroughly Modern Millie singing that she arrived one block south of Macy's and two south of Brooks Brothers, that's sort of impossible. Brooks Brothers has been at West 44th & Madison Ave since 1919, and Macy's has been on West 34th at Herald Square since 1902.  That's ten blocks between them.  BUT, if she's at Penn Station, Macy's is a block north, and if she's at Grand Central Station, Brooks Brothers is two blocks north.  Meaning the song knew it's creating a New York that doesn't exist, but also does. If you're entering Manhattan by train, one or the other is true depending on where she arrives, but we don't need to know. These are the things you look up when that song is in your head literally all the time.  

I arrived at the Port Authority and promptly got on the subway going the wrong way (which is not really possible in Toronto, where I'd done all my subway practice) and went an hour out of my way carrying probably 60lbs of luggage.  This is the part of New York I still don't know how to navigate.  I don't know a positive way to enter the city unless you get a ride.  That is probably the best option and damn the expense, because you're tired, and transportation is complicated unless you know where you're going, but you don't, because you just want to be done, because you're here now.  I don't think it should be a requirement to battle the MTA for entrance to the city.  It may *help* in the long term, but it's not encouraging for a shorter visit. 

So, OK, the initial trek to wherever you're staying does not count. After you're rested and prepared for New York (probably something to tackle tomorrow; if it's anywhere near sunset, discover the joys of ordering delivery in NYC, where you can have literally anything you want in less than 45 minutes for actually not all that much more than you'd expect to pay).  Tomorrow, we will tackle the MTA.  

I firmly believe the first order of business is to learn the subway.  From wherever you are, you're going to Fulton Street.  Two good reasons for this, it's not an incredibly hard station to get to, though the station itself is bewildering, and it's in lower Manhattan.  Leave the station, go see Trinity Church and the World Trade Center, the Stock Exchange, Federal Hall, Bowling Green, and the Brooklyn Bridge (or, swap these for things you actually care about, but if you don't have a special interest, hit these regardless).  Do not walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.  I know you want to.  Don't.  Whatever you think is gonna happen up there will NOT happen up there.  I promise.  Besides, if you are not a walker and you have already walked to all of the other places, you are probably about ready to die.  But you have seen New Amsterdam and Hamilton's New York and you begin to understand what the city requires from you.  While down here, if you're interested in Broadway theatre, go to the TKTS booth here.  It's the least busy location because no one knows where it is.  

If you got up early enough, it's supper time.  I don't care where you're staying, choose any famous pizza place in the city. It does not matter which one. Frankly, I never made it to any of them except Motorino, and it's not actually all that famous.  My favourite pizza in the city is Percy's, a slice place on Bleeker Street.  A note on food in NYC:  if you eat anything, you do not care where you go.  You really don't.  It's all fine.  It has to be.  If it's paying rent in the 5 boroughs, it's either a front for something, or it's good.  And if it's a front, it's still probably good.  (If you are interested in night life and drinking, you're on your own. Not my thing, dunno anything about it.) 

If the next day is a weekday, Midtown.  Bryant Park is the most convenient station, but get off at Grand Central.  You're already committed to walking, and you get to walk out of Grand Central Station.  Bryant Park, the Schwarzman Library, Drama Book Shop, Times Square, Radio City, Empire State, Chrysler Building and 30 Rock.  Rockefeller Center is pretty cool all on its own and you can see the other two from it, but it's also the most expensive (the Chrysler Building is re-opening a new Observation Deck in a few years, but, honestly, if you can't see the Chrysler Building in the skyline, what's even the point?).  If you're walking fast enough, this gives you time to figure out how to navigate the B train to Columbus Circle. This station sucks, but is necessary if you want to see Lincoln Center.  If you don't, just go all the way up to the Natural History Museum. If it's gross out, go inside. If it's nice, see Central Park. You don't have time for The Met unless you can get in free.  The Met is an entire day with paid admission.  

The next day, save for whatever weird pilgrimage brought you to New York, you've basically hit the best bits of Manhattan.  Baseball, magic, fashion, jazz, art, museums, politics, cemeteries, parks, zoos, theatre, immigration, transportation, enslavement:  name your personal interest and there is plenty to see.  

That's three days in the city.  You should have a decent handle on where you are and how to get where you're going within Manhattan.  If you were brave, you've also had dinners in Astoria and Williamsburg.  So, three out of five boroughs and no one has forced you onto an expensive bus or ferry tour.  Congratulations.  Your next visit will be weirder.