And the timing's not bad, because now I'm back to work and actively see people. It got real bad when I knew the only person I could interact with in person was down the fucking hall who never bothered to knock on my door. Like. Hey. Maybe act like my friend? (I couldn't do this the other way, because his girlfriend hates me, which, I mean, yeah. Red flag, especially when I hated his damn friends and he was always hanging out with them anyway. I didn't care about this, hang out with them, whatever. He cared, it's one of the reasons he broke up with me.)
The unfriending triggered when I asked how often he'd been to see his friends, because they lived about 6 blocks away. That's when he revealed they moved a 20 minute drive away (he won't ride the bus right now, and I know he hasn't been riding his bike out there, so that means the only way he can get there is for his girlfriend to take him), and they'd been out there at least 6 times in the same amount of time I saw him once. I live down the hall. You can't play the, "I'm busy," card THAT often if you're gonna get your girlfriend to drive your ass across town on the regular, but even just knocking on my door to say hi when you walk past to check the mail (which I know he does EVERY DAY) is too damn hard.
But the nail on the literal coffin that set me thinking was when he said he was worried about me because he was afraid that one day he'd walk by my door and smell my dead body. OK. So. I have a studio apartment and my windows are always open because I am not running the A/C unless it hits, like, 85 in here. (82 has been the high.) My research indicates that a human body will start to smell after 24 hours, but in most cases, it doesn't become pungent enough for anybody to notice for at least 3 days. And I think, due to the ventilation situation, it would probably be more like a week, or more.
Since I'm back to work, my boss already would've sent the cops after the first day I was over an hour late to work and not responding to contact. On top of this, I typically sent him enough texts in a day that if I went 24 hours without, that is unusual. Also, when things would get really bad, I was actively telling him what was up. This means that, effectively, a guy who claims he's my friend 1. wouldn't notice me texting him a bunch telling him that I was not OK 2. wouldn't notice that those texts stopped and 3. probably wouldn't actually get concerned until I'd been dead for days. Um. Dude, I dunno what you thought saying that was gonna do, but it doesn't make you look like the concerned individual you thought it did.
And then I responded to a meme from him with, "Hey, I'm rethinking our relationship right now, so I don't really want to talk to you, but if you want to hear what's up, when you have time, because I know you're busy, let me know." And he said he might not respond, but he could listen. And I gave him a brief rundown. I chose other examples, because when he texted, I was literally in a re-write of the email I was intending to send instead saying, "Hey, I want to be your friend, here are some things I'd like us to work on," and was trying to be diplomatic and also cover my bases, and he was like, "I'm busy and I don't have time to deal with any of this." Welp. G'bye. This was all in the space of minutes. I basically said, "Hey, not right now, but when you have time, here are some things I'm struggling with and I wish you would make time for our friendship." And he said no. How else am I supposed to respond to that? Like, I got dumped because he decided he didn't want to give me any more time to try to compromise on stuff I was struggling with, and I got given the final notice way after he was already mentally checked out. This is why coming up on the third month of feeling like this was yet another relationship he didn't value felt like I was giving someone way more opportunities to not be an asshole when we've discussed it repeatedly than I was given warnings our relationship was ending, ehhhhhh, doesn't feel that unfair or out of the blue. He told me I was being rash. Dude. Did you fucking LISTEN to the other times I said, "Hey, the way you're treating me needs to change. Is there anything I can do?"
But I feel really, really alone. I used to feel lonely because I wanted to talk to someone who didn't want anything to do with me. Now I just feel alone. Everyone I can talk to lives hundreds of miles away, and I'm down to one person I can actually talk to, and, well, that's another person with a life, but they make an effort and I appreciate it.
'Cause I've got nothing happening in my life. I've got a job that I am afraid will not be able to keep me financially solvent before it has to. I've got no way of meeting people. I've got no interest in projects or hobbies or anything because, why? Why do anything if it's never gonna matter?
Someone I follow on Twitter was talking about their relationship to science fiction and their current relationship with gender and said this, "What the fuck good is a future to me if the only role I can have in it is the same constrained and diminished one that the present tries to cram me into." And. Yeah.
Since I'm back to work, my boss already would've sent the cops after the first day I was over an hour late to work and not responding to contact. On top of this, I typically sent him enough texts in a day that if I went 24 hours without, that is unusual. Also, when things would get really bad, I was actively telling him what was up. This means that, effectively, a guy who claims he's my friend 1. wouldn't notice me texting him a bunch telling him that I was not OK 2. wouldn't notice that those texts stopped and 3. probably wouldn't actually get concerned until I'd been dead for days. Um. Dude, I dunno what you thought saying that was gonna do, but it doesn't make you look like the concerned individual you thought it did.
And then I responded to a meme from him with, "Hey, I'm rethinking our relationship right now, so I don't really want to talk to you, but if you want to hear what's up, when you have time, because I know you're busy, let me know." And he said he might not respond, but he could listen. And I gave him a brief rundown. I chose other examples, because when he texted, I was literally in a re-write of the email I was intending to send instead saying, "Hey, I want to be your friend, here are some things I'd like us to work on," and was trying to be diplomatic and also cover my bases, and he was like, "I'm busy and I don't have time to deal with any of this." Welp. G'bye. This was all in the space of minutes. I basically said, "Hey, not right now, but when you have time, here are some things I'm struggling with and I wish you would make time for our friendship." And he said no. How else am I supposed to respond to that? Like, I got dumped because he decided he didn't want to give me any more time to try to compromise on stuff I was struggling with, and I got given the final notice way after he was already mentally checked out. This is why coming up on the third month of feeling like this was yet another relationship he didn't value felt like I was giving someone way more opportunities to not be an asshole when we've discussed it repeatedly than I was given warnings our relationship was ending, ehhhhhh, doesn't feel that unfair or out of the blue. He told me I was being rash. Dude. Did you fucking LISTEN to the other times I said, "Hey, the way you're treating me needs to change. Is there anything I can do?"
But I feel really, really alone. I used to feel lonely because I wanted to talk to someone who didn't want anything to do with me. Now I just feel alone. Everyone I can talk to lives hundreds of miles away, and I'm down to one person I can actually talk to, and, well, that's another person with a life, but they make an effort and I appreciate it.
'Cause I've got nothing happening in my life. I've got a job that I am afraid will not be able to keep me financially solvent before it has to. I've got no way of meeting people. I've got no interest in projects or hobbies or anything because, why? Why do anything if it's never gonna matter?
Someone I follow on Twitter was talking about their relationship to science fiction and their current relationship with gender and said this, "What the fuck good is a future to me if the only role I can have in it is the same constrained and diminished one that the present tries to cram me into." And. Yeah.
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