Listening to someone going on and on about how all men are dangerous, and she is afraid of all men and the world needs to accept her handicap. And I think, but cannot say, "What are you doing to get past this blatantly bigoted way of existing?"
If she said, "all blacks," or any other group of people, she'd hate herself for her racism and her stereotyping. But in this case, women say, "no, in this case, the stereotype is true, so it's OK. If one man hurts another woman, how can we trust that any man won't?" To which I say, "the fuck?"
It's playing the victim, and all you have to do to extricate yourself from the conversation is say, "oh, yes, well, that's certainly a problem that you and possibly others have that makes your life difficult." The person you're talking to believes their life is hard, that you think they're brave and struggling and you didn't actually have to agree or disagree with their frightened, narrow point of view that they're proud to have and share.
I am stupidly not afraid of people. Most of the things I'm afraid of exist in my own head, and I do lots and lots of incredibly dumb and reckless things because I'm not considering my own mortality. I drive the speed limit in snow storms on highways at night. I walk along the edges of cliffs where I can look down and see the tops of the trees the size of dimes below me. And when I trip and fall, I don't even consider how close I could've come to dying until later that night.
So, I recognise that I'm an unconscious daredevil. I'm way more frightened of growing old and dying naturally at 70 or 80 than I am of suddenly being accidentally shot by causing a scene in hopes of self preservation. Probably because I'm always more comfortable with the choices that I made than the things that merely happened to me.
That and I'm a total hero on paper and kind of a wuss in real life. For all the time I spend worrying and thinking and planning, my ability to take action shouldn't come as easily to me as it does, but that's a result of my perceived power and autonomy.
And then I get to thinking about how different my life would be online if I presented as male. I'd get so much more shit for making exactly the same arguments, but my credentials as someone who is "safe" and "understands" keep me from bad arguments with women, and my ability to let them be right. A skill learned from the public school systems, someone with no power has to grasp for what they have, and that's the defense of their conviction that they are right. Someone with power, of course, simply acts as though they are right and doesn't need anyone to affirm that.
Which I forget too often, and recognise as a loss of power. As soon as I shut up and just start doing things with authority, I wind up possessing it. I wonder if these are the leadership skills I'm accused of having, but don't see? I've followed a couple of damn fools on idealistic crusades, but I don't think I've ever caused one.
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