Tuesday, December 15, 2015

And It Started to Rain in Southern California

I'm working fifty hour weeks and devoting my weekends to working more than that.  Or being sick.  I think I'm almost over the I'm-pretty-sure-it-was-bronchitis I've had for a month.  I haven't done laundry in 3 weeks.  I struggle to get to the grocery store regularly when it's open.  

The new schedule is totally screwing with my ability to maintain a schedule.  

I want to disappear over Christmas.  I'm torn between a desire to just stay in bed with the dog and to run away.  

How do people do it?  Presumably they don't do it alone.  

Which is a dumb thing to say because this is the exact same time every year that I determine I can't cope and I want a stage manager to run my life.  Which of course indicates that if I want an impartial task master to get shit done, that person is me and I need to stop being so neurotic about it.  

I'm going to lose a friend this year.  She wants me to direct a piece she's animating.  She and I have done group projects in school, but never for school.  She's many things, sensitive and smart and very very concerned with doing things right, well, and on time.  I get along very well with people who also have time management problems.  And I know she has a benevolent need to do me a favor, so she wants to pay me.  

I've known her since I was 12, and I know we've had at least four major disagreements I didn't know were happening until she decided I hated her.  It's worrying. That's more arguments than I've ever had with anyone other than a family member or authority figure.  

Christmas is next week.  I keep trying not to pay attention.  I keep seeing Facebook posts from friends who aren't feeling Christmasy because it's a temperate climate and this year it's been 50 degrees.  They have no idea how Christmasy it is.  I'm dying on the hill in the War on Christmas at work.  

I don't really care, but I decided I wasn't going to be bullied in to it through guilt, etc just to put that out there as a personality trait, because it exists.  

And maybe I'll survive through the year.  

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