There are a lot of tastes that I'm sensitive to; bitterness is hard to tolerate and pre-cum might as well be broccoli extract. The moment I made that discovery (well, after I stopped gagging and uncrossed my eyes), I proposed options: we could buy flavoured lube; he would have to be willing to try to return the favour; or we could not do this. I was over-reacting, apparently. He'd had lots more partners than I had and I was the first to have that particular reaction. Since I was also the only person he'd been with who hadn't done it before, I must be the problem. "You've tasted yourself, then?" I asked. "No." "Since I'm the only one familiar with both of us, I don't think you get to judge what my tongue knows." This never changed.
So we tried things. That would be the first and last time we ever used lube. I think the tube is still in the box of other stuff he was too scared to take to his parent's house when he moved out- some VHS tapes I've never seen, a pile of old porn magazines and print outs and his hentai comics I read once. It would be over a decade before I knew that lube shouldn't have glycerin in it, or parabens, and I'm willing to guess this has both. However, the fact that it was cheap, not-so-body-safe lube was not the problem. I liked it, it was enough to mask the taste and that's all I asked. He didn't like it. I never got an explanation why, but, OK, we tried that, he didn't like it, so we'll stop trying that. But he still wanted blow jobs.
We tried flavoured condoms. I preferred this to lube because it was the only way I could achieve a Mortal Kombat fatality. He didn't like it. This was a sensation argument, it didn't feel the same, and since it wasn't a pregnancy risk, it didn't feel worth it to him. OK. We tried that, he didn't like it, we'll stop.
I kept trying anyway. I thought maybe I could get used to the taste, and I can't, which means finishing isn't an option. He was OK with the compromise. This was the only thing he was willing to admit that he liked, that I was good at. I think now, though, that it's because if he came, that was the extent of his participation. He claimed a refractory period of anywhere between 15 and 24 hours. My subsequent reading on this subject suggests that he is either a liar, or he's an outlier. Wouldn't it be funny if, in the midst of all the other lies, this one was the one, odd truth?
He wasn't interested in giving, just receiving, and never tried. That's not to say I didn't ask flat out, or make strong hints, or otherwise make it incredibly easy for him to try, but there was always an argument. "But I'm tired now." "No, I don't think I'm going to like doing that." "No, I'm a guy, I don't *have* to shave, but maybe if you did..." "No, I like how it looks, and I like that you did, but I don't think that will fix it." "Get off my chest, I can't see what you're doing." *shrug*
It's a question I see on Reddit from time to time, and that I see in articles about self-love and stuff, "What makes you feel sexy?" And I always wonder what that's supposed to mean. The definitions are basically, "erotic or sexual self confidence," and I think this may be as close as I can get. I carry around the knowledge that I'm inexperienced, not very good at the things I have experience in, and I'm not attractive or overtly sexual. But in spite of the taste problem, I like giving oral. It was the only thing I could do that elicited any kind of clear reaction, and when you understand you're basically terrible at anything, to know there's one thing that's appreciate even if you know you can't do it "right," it feels powerful.
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