I go to the eye doctor tomorrow, but I've been checking my vision lately.
In September, 2014, I worked one job part time, had $390 to my name, didn't have a car, no health insurance, my student loan was in default and my credit was a mess. Oh, and in the middle of all of that, I ended my marriage.
I had two main goals, get a divorce, become independent (which was its own set of subgoals).
Today, I have a full time job with benefits and work three other part time gigs. I have a not insignificant amount of savings in the bank, my student loan is paid nine months ahead, my credit is good and I just bought a new car. Oh, and I've been divorced four months.
Whatever else I can say about myself and where I am right now, I made those two things happen. And the only person this life isn't good enough for is me. I'm the one looking around and going, "Nope, this isn't where I wanted to be, it's time to change." Most people would be happy to be where I am.
I'm a human again. Now I have to work on being a person. That means I have to look at not just what I need to do to survive, but at what I need to live.
I went back and read some of the diary my 19 year old self kept. She's got an affected writing style that's irritating, but she is occasionally very happy. And this was a period in time when I equally believed that I didn't express positive emotions very well.
What does happiness look like now? It doesn't look like Iowa. It used to.
I don't have an answer for that right now.
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