I'm reading an amazing book, Come As You Are, The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski. I kind of don’t want to shut up about how great the book is. It’s accessible without being condescending and, unlike my college Into to Psych class, actually seems to know what it's talking about and back it up.
A lot of the science isn't new to me, some of it is, but what is new are the specific interpretations of this information and how they apply to actual humans. The author says in her classes, most of her students come away saying, "I'm normal," and, yep, I'd say that's the case here, too.
I've been fretting over when my marriage went wrong. It wasn't the marriage, it was the first time I allowed myself to be deceived and lied to and tried to make it OK. It wasn't, but because I thought it made me a better person to be accepting of what he'd done, it set a pattern in place. So now I know, I spent a very long time being unhappy. And he’s actually more fucked up than I am, because he can't (or won't) examine his behaviour and try to change.
I wondered the other day if I even know the difference between love and Stockholm Syndrome. I do. I just have a long way back to look, and I need to remember that I can demand that from a relationship, and if I'm not getting it, leave. It just took me years and good advice to figure it out.
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