Sometimes, your friends have a theatre company, and they ask you for advice and input and you remember all you actually want to do is this. Maybe not even for them, but you want to do creative theatrical work that matters, and for people who maybe sort of at least pretend occasionally to care about your opinion and point of view. And you discover yourself hand-drawing art work and researching visual art styles and fonts and wonder where the fuck this person came from, because as sure as hell you haven't had this kind of drive to do anything in... well, probably years, but for *sure* months.
Did they want any of that? No. But it doesn't really matter because apparently it was something I needed to do. I'm not sure why I now sort of feel like shit about it. Probably because I lack the ability to do any of that on my own, but also because people mostly dislike me anyway so it's not like I'm ever going to find any other people to do that stuff with.
Yay, self-pity.
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