Fascinating

So, I have an Internet dating profile.  It's a fascinating social experiment, honestly.  I've gotten several messages from various completely undesirable people that leave me wondering what on earth they were possibly thinking, and decided to ignore them.

I got one tonight from someone with no information- I knew he was single, male, and had a slightly creepy profile name, MurderDude (not his actual name, but it did have murder in it, and if you have "murder"in your name on a dating site, that's creepy, let's just agree).  I determined that he was probably new to the site, and engaging would frighten him off sooner than letting him bother me for days.  So, I asked him about his profile name.  It's an album by a band, he says.  I Google.  A Christian metal band.  Well, I know one thing right off: this guy hasn't read a damn thing about me.

"Can we talk, I don't like texting."  Yeah, no, guy about whom I know four things.  I explain I'm not comfortable with that.  "So, what, you don't talk to people on the phone before you meet them?"  And I realise that, no, I don't.  When I met the guy I married, I met him and his friend at the same time and saw both of them around, but didn't know which of them was which.  Both of them could be similarly described and always worked the same schedule, and when one of them contacted me over Christmas break by email and AIM, I had no idea which one he was until I met up with him in person a few weeks later when the semester started again.

MurderDude in the meanwhile has managed to text me a short treatise on the evils of texting and the iphone generation that leads me to believe he's probably not texting.  I ignore it, explaining that, nope, I'm not interested in phone or voice conversation with anybody I'm not good friends with, thanks, and that takes time.

"I wanna talk.  Now."

By now, of course, I've decided that MurderDude isn't interested in paying for a phone sex line and is looking for a free substitute, and I turn him down again, politely.

"Wow, I guess you're just not that interested in me, I'm sorry I even tried.  There's an epidemic of thirsty guys out there who want to get laid, why won't you talk to me?  What are you here for if you don't want to get laid: Internet friends?"  (Edited heavily for syntax, spelling and grammar, but his use of "thirsty" included because I had no idea what it means and had to Google to discover it meant desperate.)

Yes, that's exactly right, MurderDude.  It's amazing how you managed to pick up on that subtle hint, but thank you for proving my suspicion correct, that if I had called you, you probably would have tried to wordfuck my ear and then you would have had my phone number.

Except what I actually said was, "Oh, I'm sorry my intentions weren't clear in my profile, but Internet friends are just fine with me."  Suddenly, I see him pop up as viewing my profile, where it says I'm looking for platonic friends and not legally divorced and not looking to date anyone.  End of conversation.

Is that what these men are doing, then?  Assuming that everyone is online for exactly the same reason they are and all of the actual reading in the world isn't going to help?

Let me remember the valuable lesson learned here:  if it looks creepy, you're not obligated to engage.  Just don't.